Insecurity: an ugly battle

I know I'm not alone when I write these words.

Chances are, if you're a female (some males too I guess) you deal with insecurity.

Just typing those words turns my stomach. I really began dealing with it in highschool and it only got worse when I got to college. 

It got so worse that my close friends really started noticing my outlook on life changing. I could only put up a facade for so long before I crumbled. 

I didn't want to go out with certain groups of people. I hated the way I looked. I was so self-conscious and it began taking a toll on my life. 

I'm so thankful for my close friends that cared enough about me to come talk to me, challenge me, and see if there was something that could be done.

This semester I've taken some steps in the right direction but I still have a way to go. Someday I might share those steps, but right now I am still in the thick of it and it's so raw. It's a daily battle. It's a struggle that sometimes leaves me not wanting to get out of bed on certain days. 

It's crippling. 

I'm on spring break this week and my sweet mama handed me So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore to read over break. 

Last night I read the intro and chapter 1 and it blew me away. Beth is honest, real, and she speaks truth. I think reading this book will honestly help me. It won't solve my problems nor do I think it will. But I think it's going to be a great tool in helping me overcome my insecurities. 

I'm hoping that by sharing my struggles that some of you will be able to relate to me and we can be on this journey together. 

I think I'm going to use my blog as a journal for my battle with insecurity and once a week I'll try to break down what I'm learning. If any of you are also reading this, I'd love to chat with y'all!

For now, I'm going to take one day at a time. 

I'm the kinda girl who...

I'm the kinda girl who orders my pizza without cheese 

I'm the kinda girl who can trip on thin air

I'm the kinda girl who hates Soda

I'm the kinda girl who forgets to put on lipgloss

I'm the kinda girl who doesn't own a pair of heels (see #2)

I'm the kinda girl who always has music on

I'm the kinda girl who can parallel park like nobody's business 

I'm the kinda girl who sings at the top of her lungs in the shower

I'm the kinda girl who snorts when I laugh

I'm the kinda girl who deals with extreme insecurities and it's a daily struggle

I'm the kinda girl who works 60-80 hours a week in the summer

I'm the kinda girl who wants to travel the world

About Me: umm what?

I'm in the process of updating my About Me page today.

I haven't blogged in 2 months.

I haven't updated my pages in over 6 months.

It's terrible I know.

I'm sitting in the dorm room laughing at how much I've changed in just 6 months. This is what my "About Me" page was last summer. Shoooot. This is embarrassing. 

      Hi!

My name is Emily. Thank you for stopping by to my little 'ole blog. I just started blogging a little over a year ago. So far, I LOVE it! It's been a great way for me to connect with other people and I heart the community I've found. Heck, y'all are awesome.

I am dramatic, loud, fun, and sometimes downright obnoxious. I snort when I laugh and I have no shame. 

I love my family. I have 3 siblings, 2 parents, and I love being a big sister.

See also: as of right now, I never want to be married or have children. Ever. If I do have children, they will be blond haired, blue eyed boys.My mom said she is going to laugh the day I end up with twin girls with my features: brown hair and eyes. minor details.

I just graduated High School and I'm glad those 4 years are behind me! College is my next step:Evangel University in the Fall (2012), studying accounting/international studies. Excited, but not ready to be freshmeat again!

I have the best 2 jobs ever; Cold Stone and Adventure Ziplines. I work 60 hours a week doing anything from making ice cream to driving an ATV and making zipline reservations. It's the life y'all.

I have a BIG sweet tooth and enjoy chocolate, starbursts, raw cookie dough, ice cream, and junior mints. Sometimes, I have NO self control.

I'm starting to run and I kinda love it! My goal: run a 10K. 

I have brown eyes and I'm 5'8 with extremely long legs. Hence the new, upcoming ,blog title, Fate from Five Eight. 

I love Coffee, especially if it's Starbucks. Sometimes, I try to be new and creative but usually get one of 3 things: Iced Caramel Macchiato, Double Chocolate Chip Frappe, or Passionfruit Sweet Tea Lemonade. 

I love Summer and anything that comes with it; Chacos, lake days, iced coffee, sleeping in, sunburns, flip-flops, sunglasses, shorts, and tanks.

I'm addicted to Target and spend too much money every time I go in. Problem.

I'm saved by grace (a whole lot of it). I'm a recovering good girl and challenge you to read the book Grace for the Good Girl by Emily Freeman, a blogger! I'm trying to love Jesus with all my heart and I'm thankful that He is there to catch me when I fall. 

I'm real, honest, and try to be funny. Key word: try.

Hi there.

People told me that life would fly by after I graduated high school and I didn't believe them. I can't believe how fast life is passing by.

Midterms are coming up, then spring break and finals.


I'll be done my first year of college. Is that even possible?

I'm trying to take it all in. I'm trying to figure out who I am. I'm trying to make friends. I'm trying to grow up. I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with my major. It's a process.

Shingles

I have shingles.

It absolutely sucks.

Until this week, I'd only heard of shingles and I thought only old people got shingles. Apparently not. 

I went to the school nurse thinking that I had a bad head cold/hives and it turned out I had shingles.

I'm on a strong anti-viral medicine, along with vitamins, Sudaphed, and Aleve. When I take my meds 3x a day, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel like a granny. Heck, people in the caf thought I was a pill popper! hahahah  

It'll take about 2-4 weeks for it to run its course, which means I'm have them over my birthday and Christmas, while I'm in Florida :(

As much as this upsets me, it could be much worse.

There is girl that goes to school with me and she had a stroke about a month ago. She is undergoing some serious health complications. Brittany is in the hospital right now. 

Visit her Facebook page here! :)

This blog post was written by one of our EU student bloggers!

This semester I've been learning alot about perspective. This is one of those times that is uncomfortable, but I'm trying to make the best of the situation and try not to complain. I've been following along Brittany's facebook page and as I read her dad's updates, I can't help but feel thankful for my health. That I can walk, talk, see, and hear without complications. For that, I am very thankful.

Fall Break Fashion

I love Fall Break! :) 

I love being home with my family. I especially love when my little brother decided we needed to go on a photo shoot. 

This is my first EVER should-i-even-say fashion blog post. Also my first ever team leggings as pants in public attempt. 

Here's goes nothing. Let me know what you think :)

Shirt: Old Navy

Scarf: Charlotte Russe 

Leggings: Target

Boots: Online (Old Navy I think)

Photo Credit: My sidekick, best friend, little brother :)

Happy, Happy Sunday!

oxox,

Emily :)

Change.College.Crying.

Change is something I usually don't welcome with open arms.

It usually means that something has to give, positive or negative. It may be a selfish this for me to say, but I hate change.

I like routines. I like order. I like plans. I like knowing what will happen at all times. I'm a planner and an organizer. 

As I'm getting ready for college, I realized today, how fast and furious that change is coming.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and reminiscing. This time, it's about growing up. It's about the memories I've made, good and bad. It's about the friends that I've laughed with, cried with, and shared life with. It's about making mistakes and learning from them. It's about the stupid inside jokes and laughs that I've shared with people I adore. 

For some reason, heading off to college, I seem extra sappy lately. Maybe it's because my closest friends in high school are going to colleges, thousands of miles away. Or maybe it's because most of my other friends are all headed to a college nearby and I've going to college an hour away. I know it's only an hour, but I'm still leaving.

I've shed my fair share of tears the last few days too.  

I look back through pictures, journals, and old blog posts and think time flew. And yes, I know I blogged multiple times about wanting time to fly. I was ready for graduation and I was ready for a fresh start. 

But now that that fresh start and change is coming, I second guess myself. Will I survive? Will I make new friends? Will my roommate and I get along? Will my friends in Branson remember me? Will I get the grades my parents are wanting me to get? Will I succeed?

I question myself so much, because I want to make sure that everything is going to be ok.

The what-ifs constantly plague my head and I over think every situation. But honestly, which girl doesn't over think and play things out in her head? Let's be real.


With college just a few days away and a to-do list a mile long, here's to hoping that this change is exactly what I needed. That this fresh start will be what I've needed; to get me out of this funk.

Because I know if I've never stretched and bent a little, I'll never grow. Sometimes change is necessary.  

First Car Accident

Yes. That happened yesterday. 


I was headed to a scholarship dinner (thankfully only in nice jeans and the event t-shirt) and then it happened.


Car 1 didn't put on their turn signal and made a hard left turn. Car 2 slammed on his brakes and then I slammed on my brakes, only to hit Car 2. Or Truck 2.


It scared me so bad. I was shaking.  


I've had my license for 2 years and I've never even been pulled over, let alone been in an accident of any type. It could have been alot worse, but I only hit the back of his truck, his trailer hitch to be exact. 

It made a nice, loud dent in my bumper. It could have been my hood or hit something like my radiator, but this was the damage done. I'm so thankful.

I hit an older man who was honestly the best possible person I could have hit.

I got out and we both looked at the damage together. He was totally understanding and reassuring. He asked if I was ok. He said he wouldn't press charges or call the police, because there was no damage done to his truck.

Legally he said it would have been my fault even though I was barely moving and far enough behind me. I'm very blessed that there was no damage done to his truck.

I called my dad, who happened to be on his 25th anniversary trip in Cali. Of course that would happen to me, while my parents are thousands of miles away. Honestly, my dad was super cool about it and we're going to talk when he gets home. O_o

I got the nice man's information and we were both on our way. 

I arrived at the scholarship dinner and happened to see Addie, and I had literally just texted her about what happened. And no, I wasn't texting and driving!

 I was a hot mess. Sometimes, all you need is a giant hug and a friend to be there for you. Seriously. 

Yesterday was quite the day. I hope I don't have a post like this for a good, long while. Fender Benders are no good :(

Here's to the weekend and working lots of doubles to fix it!

Happy Friday!

Emily

PS: I talked to my Pop-Pop today and he said some people are just stupid a$$ drivers. I'm glad you're ok and make sure you pray to the highway gods tonight and thank them! hahahah I love him! 

Homeschooling: the inside scoop and I need your help.

As I mentioned yesterday, I was homeschooled. You may be surprised. You may not be. 

I have purposely chosen not to talk about this very much because it was a very bitter experience for me.


I was homeschooled my entire life. K-12. All 13 years. 


People homeschool for different reasons. Religion, their child's needs, etc. My parents have a long story on how they came to homeschool us (I have 3 sibs)...pretty much from the beginning, they chose to homeschool us. Lucky me.


I have an older brother and he was homeschooled the entire way as well. I graduated in May and I wrote a little bit about it here. Both of my younger siblings will be going to school starting this fall. I love how my parents put them in school the summer after I graduated. I'm not bitter at all.......


I enjoyed it when I was younger. All of the fun groups and fieldtrips during the middle of the day. I mean who wouldn't love that! Then as I begin to enter high school, I began to realize how the world viewed homeschooled kids. And most of the kids that I took classes with in high school, were those kids. and quite honestly, I wanted nothing to do with the stereotypes. 


Maybe that was my problem. I care too much about what people think of me. Then again, when people hear that you are homeschooled they automatically think about the most extreme stereotypes. They also ask: 
"Oh do you have as many siblings as the Duggars?" 
"Do you do school in your PJ's?"
"I bet you don't have to take tests!" 


(I can't wait to talk about all of this, this week) 


Homeschooling has its positives and negatives. But it is also not for everyone. If you do homeschool, you have to have a mom that pushes you and makes you work hard. Thankfully, mine did. I took tests. I worked hard. I took my ACT (4 times). I went to games at the local high school. I tried to be as normal as possible. I did my best and made the best out of this situation.




This week, I'll be talking about all the nitty gritty details. I would love to get some feedback from you on what you would like to know. I'll be touching on my experience, graduation, homeschool humor (or lack of), academics, and socializing to name a few. 


If there are any questions that you want me to answer, or something you want to know, leave me a comment or feel free to shoot me an email: eduncan93@gmail.com!! I'd love to answer your questions. 




Keeping it real,


EDunk   

If you really knew me....

If you really knew me you would know that.....


I LOVE rain, but I hate thunder and I still plug my ears


I'm a hugger and I give big, long, bear hugs to people all the time

I'm not athletic at all, but I love going to games and I especially LOVE The Olympics.


I'm a huge shoe hoarder. Shoes complete the outfit and I have a small problem with closet space

maybe this is why I have so many.....

My favorite foods are black olives and mashed potatoes. You may even catch me eating them together. Don't hate


I try to be funny and witty, but I fail miserably. 


I adore Nike Shorts and wish it was appropriate to wear them at work or 24/7 for that matter. 

I have incredibly thick hair and it's supa hard to brush out. Merp!

I was homeschooled my entire life, and although it had its positives, I hated high school. 

I snort when I laugh, and I honestly have no shame.

I'm extremely insecure and it takes me a while to trust people and be real with them.

I love having my nails painted, but my toes and fingers never match.

FAV color!

I love being on time. I hate being late. I'm try to be at least 10 minute early especially to work.

I have tons of blog posts that are drafted, and I really need to finish them.

I love all my bloggy friends, even thought I don't always comment on your posts. 

Happy Monday!

oxox,

Emily 

Today was a complete waste of makeup

Have you ever had one of those days?

 You know what I'm talking about. Where everything seems to go wrong at once. Don't mind me while I recap today

Today, started out lovely. Peaceful house, solo breakfast and a nice chat with my mom before work.

Then it all went wrong. We got in a fight and it ended it yelling and tears. I know things like this happen, but still not something I love.

I quickly grabbed my stuff for work and showed up to work au natural with on make-up on a raccoon eyes. Score 1 for Emily

In my race to leave the house, I forgot...tampons. Oh and I didn't take my midol, so cramps came fast a furious an hour later. To my male readers: cramps are no joke.

What's worse than it being that time of the month? Forgetting the essentials. You can imagine what happened when I figured this out a few hours later. It wasn't pretty

On top of that, I had a slightly awkward conversation with the owner. Sometimes I hate having two jobs because of scheduling conflicts. So there's that.

Oh and I'm working a double today. I'm looking forward to half price appetizers at Applebees with some friends tonight.

The best part of today? This here E-card and my shift leader doing an emergency walmart run for me.

One more thing. Show up to Job #2 tonight and they are filming a commercial. My face has no more makeup on and my hair is in a pony tail and I smell like spoiled milk from Cold Stone.

I'm winning at life today!

Keeping it real,

Emily

My life in 99 questions!

I totally stole this idea from Libby! It's a modified version of a bucket list! I'm kind of loving it! 

If you want to join, copy and paste this list. Underline which ones you've done!   

1. Started your own blog 
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland 
8. Climbed a mountain 
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo 
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables 
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Take a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke 
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business  (when I was little?? does that count?)
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check 
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt  (a baby one)
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem (BEST THING)
84. Had your picture in the paper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year's Eve
86. Visited the White House 
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo (does a henna count)
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake (I've swam in the Dead Sea)

awful picture, but you can see I'm floating!

97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

31 out of 99. Not awful, but I would love to do more international travel.

Happy Monday!

oxox,

Emily 

About me: 10 things.

Today, I'm linking up with Lena! 10 thing I love about...myself.


This freaked me out a little bit, because usually we never talk about ourselves or what we are good at. At least I don't. 


This list, well it took me a little while to come up with, but I'm kind of loving it.


In no particular order, of course.


1-I'm strong. I know what I want and I refuse to settle.
2-I'm photogenic. I can make obnoxious and ridiculous faces.
3-I'm a really good secret keeper. 
4-I love how tall I am. I used to hate it, but now I LOVE being 5'8 (and 3/4ths but I'm not counting)
5-I'm a dreamer. 
6-I love listening to people, especially their stories and experiences.
7-I'm a daddy's girl. I adore my dad and I'm so thankful for him.
8-I love laughing. I have a really loud laugh and I sometimes snort but it's me. 
9-I tan really easily. It takes me a a day or two in the sun, but I get a nice tan and it stays the entire summer.
10-I'm entirely random and love being sporadic and fun, especially late at night! 

oxox,


Emily

ACT: 4th times a charm right?

*the point of this post: how A-W-F-U-L- my 4th and final ACT went*

Last Saturday at this time, I was taking my ACT. For the 4th time. I wish someone would have given me cyanide. Kidding, but seriously. Honestly, the worst 5 hours of my life!


Let's start from the beginning. 


I usually take my test at College of the Ozarks (CofO), a local college. I'd taken it there 3 other times. Super easy to find (tons of signs) and they're super sweet college girls proctoring the test. The only problem was that CofO is out for the summer when I needed to take my test (June). My luck.


I signed up in May to take it at the local high school. Actually, I had 5 to pick from, I just chose Hollister, because it's the closest to me.


I show up on test day, with my calculator, admin ticket, watch, and a load of pencils. I pull into the parking lot. No signs, just "report to the North end of the commons" Dang it. Good thing I showed up 15 minutes early.




I check in at 8am with my friend Kerry. We proceed to wait awkwardly in the "commons area" until further instruction. 8:20 rolls around and we finally get started. The proctor tells us to go to Miss B's room! Mmk because we know who that is and exactly where her classroom is. I'm with a bunch of girls from Branson (and me being homeschooled), we have no clue where that is. Problem 1


Problem 2: During the entire length of the test, kid1 is coughing the ENTIRE time and kid2 (athletic tool) is tapping his overly eager foot the whole dang time, while tapping his pencil.


Problem 3: The proctor tells us that we were "special" enough to be chosen to take a 5th section on the ACT, following the dreaded science section. 


Yes, you heard me, a fifth section. Shoot me. 


The 4 test sections and our 10 minute break finally finish and we begin on the 5th section. She told us it didn't count for our final score, so I filled in the bubbles and waited for 20 minutes.


When she called time, I literally ran out of the room, through the halls and to my car. To say I was overjoyed to be done was an understatement! 


Kerry and I joyously binge ate at Charley's for an hour, including a large order or bacon cheese fries. 


And that is how I spent Saturday, June the 9th!


Be jealous! 

Funk of all Funks

Have y'all ever been in a funk? not just a funk, but a funk of all funks? This has been me, all week long. I just can't kick it.


I've worked long hours. Doubles, at two jobs. We've been understaffed. We've worked later and longer shifts. 


I've gotten no more than 5 hours of sleep every night. I'm running on zombie mode and lots  of Starbucks.


 I took my ACT again for the 4th time at a different high school instead of the local Christian college. Merp.


I wish I was writing a happy blog post but instead I just need to process some of my thoughts.


I've snapped at people this week. I've said mean things. I feel bad later. I've made some stupid choices. I don't know what's wrong with me.




I don't know what else to say. Y'all feel free to leave me sweet comments. I'll need them.




I've gotta go finish my shift at work and somehow kick.this.funk. 




I'll blast music. Dance obnoxiously. Cry. Vent to friends. Go to the lake. Cry some more. Work too much. Try to blog.

iRun.

National Running Day 

I've really been slacking. My goal was to run a a 5K and it didn't happen. I got sick, went to Israel, and started working two jobs as soon as I got home. I made it to week 7 and stopped. Dang! I was 6 training days away from completing the program. I keep putting it off and waiting for something. 


My goal is to run at least a 5K, and hopefully a 10K sometime by the end of my freshman year of college. I just need to start running.


I just got some new Nike shorts and tanks. I'm going to start tomorrow! I loved running and it was a great stress reliever too. 


Sometimes, all you need is some good music, cute shoes, and looking at motivational pins off Pinterest. Don't judge.

Happy Thursday!

oxox,

Emily